Monday, August 15, 2005

Who Are You?

The short version of "ME"

Fifty-three year old female, 220 lbs, graying short dirty blonde hair, green eyes, glasses. some day I mi8ght put up a picture, but do not believe in judging others by their looks, so appreciate the same in others. I am a light smoker, do not drink alcohol except A glass of wine or A beer once in a while.
I went to high school in Viroqua, Wisconsin. Did not graduate due to a horrendous home life and many emotional upsets at the time. Since then I have gone back to college for a aemester,after receiving my G.E.D., and proved to myself that I was not stupid as I had been led to believe. Grade point average was 3.7 woo-hoo. I would have graduated from high school in 1970, by the way.
I was married the first time to a man from Coon Valley, Wisconsin. It was a way for me to get out of working-ha ha. This proved to be a disaster! I stayed with him for 9 miserable year, had several miscarriages, lost twin daughters (born three months prematurely), had a few affairs, put up with his alcoholism, and finally decided to either leave or kill myself.
After this I joined a carnival for a season which was a trip in itself. At the last stop of the season I met my second husband. We were together for almost 16 years and had one son, who is now 25 years old. My second husband was my dream man, but I guess I screwed it up when I became ill with severe fibromyalgia and depression. He got tired of me always being tired and sick, became unhappy with our marriage, and decided to divorce me. I still miss him terribley, but have come to understand that, if ever given the chance again, I will know how to treat a wonderful, caring gentleman.
After this I went through several men, several changes, and met my present partner. We have been together for over eight years. It hasn't been altogether great, but not horrible. My present partner is somewhat emotionally detached, but treats me okay. We do have fun traveling. He brings me my coffee in the morning and is constantly trying to improve our home to make me comfortable.
One thing I have learned and decided is that each life experience should be looked at as a learning experience. I've also decided that you cannot go through life judging others, picking on the small stuff, being negative, or worrying about what everyone else wants or thinks of you. I'm short, fat, and not very good looking, but I have excepted that fact and am happy with myself. I have alot to offer in the way of friendship, knowledge on many subjects (including religion and cats), have not just "sat there", but have enjoyed and experienced life rather than expecting someone to make happiness for me.
On the negative side-- miscarriages, loss of children to death, sexually abused, physically abused, mentally abused, divorced twice, lost the love of my life, parental death, parental detatchment, having a child with a disability, having a troubled child who stole from me and was physically abusive, depression, tried commiting suicide, being judged because of appearence, being judged because of demeaner....lots of experience in life that could possibley help others. But, I do not believe that you should keep rehashing bad experiences over and over and over. All that does is keep you depressed. Rather, what I have done, is learn from the past, become responsible for my present situation, take care of ME, and enjoy every little beauty. Find love and enjoyment in the simple things of life--a cat's purr and the feel of their soft coat, a flower, the taste of honey right from the hive, a pretty stone, laughing, baking a tasry treat, being proud of your own talents, helping someone learn.

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